This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
