Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
