Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
