Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
