My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm really busy with my period
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