i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
