Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
