yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
