so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
