happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
