the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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