Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
