The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
