I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
