I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
