this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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