i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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