margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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