i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
