think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
