My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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