Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
