so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
