seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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