I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
