She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
