I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
