Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
