I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
