I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
