Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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