my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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