i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
