____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
