i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
