BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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