we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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