I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he fucked my hip out of place.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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