Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
