Only a mothe r could love this liver
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
