it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
