the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I puked a lego.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
