right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
