she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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