look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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