the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
