Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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