Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who died my cat blue again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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