I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
