Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
